


Make My Heart Beat

by thelilacfield



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: First Time, Fluff, Hand Jobs, M/M, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 14:25:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1986360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelilacfield/pseuds/thelilacfield
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly one month to the day of loss. One month of suffering and of grieving, to end up here in the morning light, wrapped around each other and wondering what's possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make My Heart Beat

**Fumbling first time sex as Kieren starts to turn human again. Simon/Kieren, mentions of past Kieren/Rick**

* * *

 " _Kier_!" Jem's yell breaks through the quiet of the early morning, and Kieren jerks awake, unable to help a soft contented sigh when he feels the weight of Simon's arm across his waist, the gentle pressure of another person pressed against his back like he's trying to melt into his skin. "Mum's gone to the shops, Dad's at work and I'm going to meet some friends, so you're alone here, okay? I'll text you when I'm on my way back, tell them not to worry!"

The door slams behind her, making the floor shake with the force of it, and Kieren hears the soft laugh behind him, the brush of lips against the back of his neck, just above the dark hole in his back. "Your sister will be a teenager forever," Simon says softly, and Kieren turns onto his side to smile at him.  _Him_  - it's the only word he can ever really apply to Simon. They've never talked about putting a label on their relationship beyond something with feelings, something that both of them want. And he wonders, in the light sprawling across the room through the curtains, whether it might be right to call Simon his  _boyfriend_.

Instead of replying, he just hums softly, and breathes out slowly as Simon moves closer, almost lying on top of him, and kisses him. "This lighting really makes you shine," he says softly, and smiles down into Kieren's eyes, that rare smile that always seems like the elusive sun creeping out from behind a cloud. "You're beautiful."

Another kiss, this one firmer than the last, and the potential of an empty house looms up like a neon-bright sign, and Kieren's mind is turning over the possibilities. Alone, in bed, both of them still lax from sleeping - anything could happen. And, from the way that Simon presses closer, and one leg shifts over Kieren's, it's clear that he wants a  _happening_.

After talking to countless specialists, it was Nurse Wilson who brought light to the situation, and told Kieren that his shaking hands and nose bleeds weren't due to him building up a resistance to the medication, but to it finally starting to do what doctors had intended in the first place - curing the PDS sufferers.  _Fully_  curing them, making them  _human_. He feels the cold now, like an itch, and food has started to smell good, like he could be tempted to eat it. A slow build, she said. It wouldn't happen all at once, things would come in stages, and he should keep a diary of it. Talk to people about it, the people he's close to.

And now he could talk to the person he's closest to, the person he wants to be with all the time, the one person in the world that he knows will love him without condition or clause, simply hold him and kiss him and make him feel like his heart is finally stirring after so many years of shutting down, just to make it stop hurting. Simon's kisses are so sweet, at each corner of Kieren's lips like a tender parentheses, and downwards, the sharp edge of his jaw and his neck, gentle sucking kisses, the slight pressure of a tentative bite.

One hand sliding up his thigh, wrinkling the material of his pyjama bottoms, and fingers toying with the hem of his shirt, up beneath the material, pressing and stroking at the skin of his waist, up to his chest, and that touch makes a spark pop like electricity. Kieren lets the feeling rush out of him in a wisp of breath, and shifts a little on the bed, unexpected warmth washing down into his belly, twisting with every tiny movement of Simon's hand.

"Stop," he breathes, even though the baser urges that prowl within him are screaming out for  _more_  and  _harder_  and  _faster_ , because he feels like he's unravelling at the seams as his stomach twists and his legs twitch and his head swims. Simon's hand wanders back down, playing along his ribs like he's some musical instrument, and even that simple touch sends a jolt through Kieren's body, the warmth increasing, growing hotter, and starting to seep down into his groin.

"What's wrong?" Simon asks softly, and his voice sounds different, deeper and yet breathier, and even that makes the heat build, washing over him like water, and Kieren struggles into a sitting position against the pillows, forcing his shields up and trying to focus. "Kieren? Are you alright?"

There's so much worry in his pale eyes, and still Kieren can't respond, trying to make his breathing slow down and his body cool, to stop the goosebumps springing up where Simon touched him and to stop the rising heat. "You're starting to scare me, love," Simon murmurs, and brushes his fingers through Kieren's hair, lifting his chin to look into his eyes. "Nothing looks wrong. Do you just want to stop this?"

He moves forward, forcing his way between Kieren's clamped-together knees and tilting their foreheads together. One hand wraps reassuringly over Kieren's knee, and slowly slides down the inside of his thigh, an undeniably sexual touch, one that Kieren wants to shy away from.

It all ends with a soft, " _Oh_ ," and Kieren wants to push away from this moment, wants to escape into the darkness of sleep, and though he can't blush the embarrassment still rises up in his throat, hot and ugly, and he honestly feels as if he's seconds away from prickling tears in his eyes. But Simon's fingers wrap around his chin, and he finds himself being dragged forward for a gentle kiss. "Love, this is a good thing," he says, reassuring and loving. "This is something to tell them, this shows that you're changing back."

"But-" He's interrupted by another kiss, and that's Simon's tongue against his lips, the hand sliding up beneath his shirt again, and Simon lowering him onto the bed, his knees pressing into the mattress on either side of Kieren's hips, and the hand that isn't trailing across Kieren's chest cupped around his cheek, guiding him closer. "Simon...why would you want to do this? I can, and you...can't."

"One day, I will," Simon says, and there's such burning faith in his words that it makes Kieren believe even more than he already did - the doctors who care for them understand, and even though their solution didn't work as immediately as they hoped, it just needs a little more time to cure them completely. "But, in the mean time, why wouldn't I want to? You are beautiful, and I want to see your pleasure."

And if  _that_  doesn't make the arousal sear through Kieren like a burn, his eyes roll back in his head a little and his hips arch upwards slightly, enough to feel the heady pressure of Simon's thigh against him. The very idea that someone loves him enough to want that, to want to watch him without wanting to take from him in return, only giving. His mind goes back, momentarily, to fast and fumbling nights in their cave, to kisses and closed eyes and frantic, too-fast movements, the way he could always sense Rick's desperation to end it quickly, to get away before suspicion could mount.

But not here. Here, he's free to show his love and his want without being closed out with a kiss. He can feel his pleasure freely without the back of his mind stuck on the way Rick always closed his eyes through everything, always went fast and rough to the point of pain, always wanted to treat it like a race. But Simon loves him,  _really_  loves him, and the way he looks at Kieren makes him feel special, makes him feel like perhaps he was brought back simply to love this man and be loved by him, just to give both of them a second chance at happiness.

"I love you," he says, and the words hang in the air between them like a mist, and Simon pauses, his hand still over Kieren's heart. He keeps wondering when it will start to beat again, fluttering like the wings of a bird, and he secretly hopes that it will be Simon who brings back the beat of his heart, the thing that will truly make him human again.

"I love you too," Simon says, and kisses his lips again, so sweet and so tender. And then there's a new gleam in his eyes, and his mouth moves downwards, one finger hooking onto the collar of Kieren's ragged shirt and tugging it aside, lips on his collarbone drawing a sigh from his kiss-wet lips. Familiar hands pulling his shirt up and off, a surprised laugh on the air when it gets stuck coming over his head, and then Simon's hands smoothing down the ruffled edges of embarrassment.

Kisses on bare skin that's never been kissed before, never been explored by the hands of a lover, and Kieren surprises himself with the first quiet moan, full of breath. Simon glances up at him, looking a little too pleased with himself, and Kieren gathers the drifting strings of his wits to mutter, "Oh, shut up." It makes Simon laugh again, and his head dips down again, lips pressing gentle kisses to each protruding rib, tongue drawing patterns into Kieren's skin, everything tinted with that glow of love.

"What did I do to deserve an angel like you?" Simon whispers, and Kieren wonders if he was even supposed to hear it. Regardless, it's so impossibly romantic that he has to pull Simon back to his lips for another kiss, one of those that makes time stop and the universe cease to exist, nothing but them in the light. Simon reaches around Kieren's back, fingers playing along the jut of his shoulder blades, and then he says, "Sometimes I worry that you might sprout wings and fly away."

"Not from you," Kieren assures him, and watches Simon's dark head bend again, the kisses over his stomach and down, until the advance is halted by the waistband of his trousers. Rolling them down with deft fingers, Simon kisses the indentations left in Kieren's skin by the elastic, hands moving slowly up his thighs, and Kieren starts to feel dizzy with arousal, wondering if the heat building in his stomach might spill onto his skin and make him flushed.

Simon presses his forehead against Kieren's stomach, his breathing heavy, and slowly moves upwards as he inches Kieren's trousers down. Kieren snatches him close, surprising him with an open-mouthed kiss, and kicks his clothes away. Wrapping an arm around Simon's neck, he squeezes tight, unwilling to let him go. "You go so slow," he says, and he can hear the whine in his voice. "It's just crazy, Simon."

"I want you to enjoy it," Simon murmurs, and teases the tip of his fingers lower, sending a shiver down Kieren's spine and making his hips suddenly buck. "One day, you'll return the favour. For now, I want to enjoy you."

Quick kisses rain down on Kieren's face, his neck, his shoulders, and he moans softly at every one, unravelling beneath Simon's lips. It feels pathetic, coming so undone at such simple touches, but he hasn't been touched by anyone in a very long time, and feeling each sweet kiss with such respect and reverence and undisclosed passion is beautiful. It's the passion and the urgency he had with Rick, burning and writhing beneath his skin, but Simon looks at him like he's from another world, like he really is an angel to be worshipped, and it's ten times better. So much  _more_.

"My angel," Simon breathes into his ear, and Kieren moans, high and broken, and twists his hips, fingers digging into Simon's shoulder and desperation making his skin tingle and itch, flames soothed by the cool touch of Simon's fingers. "You're beautiful."

Finally, those long fingers wrap around Kieren's dick, dragging slowly over the impossibly hot skin, and he whines, lurching his head forward into the crook of Simon's neck, clinging to him like an anchor as the world lurches. Being touched by Simon is like a revelation, the way he seems to enjoy it, savour his pleasure like the finest cuisine, feed off it and revel in the connection between them. It's so different to hurried handjobs in guttering candlelight, to silence that stretches thin and jerky, to rough hands that feel harsh even though there are feelings behind them.

"Angel." Simon's voice sounds broken, higher, as if he's forcing the words out. He's shaking, though his touch is still steady, and his eyes keep fluttering. " _Kieren_."

Hearing his name spoken like that, a breathy moan through gritted teeth, it sends a spike of arousal up Kieren's spine, and he finds himself whimpering, "Faster. Go  _faster_ , Simon."

The slick sounds of skin on skin, the force of the kiss that Simon presses to his lips, feeling his chest heaving and the restrained want making him shake so violently - it all mounts up, twisting up heat higher and hotter and more desperate. It starts in his legs, both of them twitching involuntarily, and spirals up and up into his throat, and Kieren cries out a sharp and splintered, " _Simon_ ," as he comes, spilling over Simon's hand and his own stomach, dry sobs rasping at the back of his throat. _  
_

Chest heaving, Kieren lets his eyes drift closed, savouring every second of the amazing high. When he opens them again, Simon's head in on his chest, resting right over his heart, and there's an incredulous smile on his face. "Do you feel that, Kieren?" he asks, his voice so soft. "Listen to your heart, angel." He kisses Kieren's chest, and says, "It's beating."

"You made it beat," Kieren says quietly, raising his hand to his chest to feel, mouth falling open in amazement when he feels it for himself. It's so fast, beating out a tattoo against his chest, and he feels the rush of emotion, swelling up in his chest like a flood. "I love you."

"I feel it," Simon says, his voice sounding strangled with shock, and Kieren jerks upright, lips twitching up into a helpless grin. "I feel your skin. It's warm, and soft, and sticky on your stomach. I...I  _feel_." There are tears gleaming in his eyes, overwhelmed joy in his face, and Kieren reaches up to kiss him, pulling him closer.

"We're going to live," he promises, pressing a soft kiss into Simon's hair and stroking his back gently, around the edges of the long black scar. "I might be returning the favour sooner than expected."

They don't move until the front door squeaks open, and Kieren can't stop smiling, feeling like he's floating as he moves slowly around the house, lost in the beautiful dream that his reality has finally become. That night, Simon calls him  _Angel_  in front of his parents, mouths  _I love you_  to him while his parents exchange wide-eyed looks, and Jem smirks like she knew along. Kieren grins into his food, the food that he can eat at long last, and blows a silent kiss to the man whose love is so strong that it drives the beat of his heart.


End file.
